1000 Years of Annoying the French - Stephen Clarke
Shared by:ang2205
Written by
Read by Justin Edwards
Format: M4B
Bitrate: 128 Kbps
Unabridged
Was the Battle of Hastings a French victory?
Non! William the Conqueror was Norman and hated the French.
Were the Brits really responsible for the death of Joan of Arc?
Non! The French sentenced her to death for wearing trousers.
Was the guillotine a French invention?
Non! It was invented in Yorkshire.
Ten centuries’ worth of French historical ‘facts’ bite the dust as Stephen Clarke looks at what has really been going on since 1066….
[guys, this is my favourite non-fiction and I’m so glad there’s finally an audiobook]
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| Creation Date: | Sat, 24 Apr 2021 19:18:58 +0200 |
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This post has 27 comments with rating of 4.8/5
April 24th, 2021
Did the French win the Hundred Years’ War? Oui!
Thx, ang.
April 24th, 2021
Merci!
April 24th, 2021
Did the Irish ever win anything anywhere? Oh, this was about French, the “other Irish”.
April 24th, 2021
They all wear berets and they’re all called “Jacques”,
They even steal from us the words they lack:
“le Weekend”, “le Camping” and “Cul-de-sac”,
That’s why I hate the French…
They bake their bread in such a naughty shape,
They brag about their wine, and worship the grape,
They criticise our food but then they eat “Crêpe”!
That’s why I hate the French…
And now they’ve started coming here in droves,
“French cigarettes”, “French letters”, and “French clothes”.
I’m sick and tired of eating all this “Brie”,
And I’ll be buggered if I go to “Gay Paris”!
They’re pretty cocky ’bout their “games in the dark”,
They think with girls they light a “special spark”,
But look what the bastards did to Joan of Arc!
That’s why I hate the French…
April 25th, 2021
Marcy buckets
April 25th, 2021
We whupped your Viking asses at the Battle of Clontarf, or did you forget - again?!
April 25th, 2021
“- High King of Ireland, defeated the Vikings of Dublin and their allies, the Irish of Leinster.”
I’ll just bet this was some historian’s mistake and it was just between Irish. Like always.
And I’m not a Viking.
April 25th, 2021
First two words a French child learns “I Surrender”.
French fine cuisine…snails & pigeons.
French claim to be highly civilized , then force feed a goose until it’s liver nearly explodes for more of that “fine French cuisine”.
I am descended from Viking caesar , and any time your frog asses want a rematch we are all for it
April 25th, 2021
Only a scared Viking would claim not to be a Viking. We kicked yer horned asses into the Irish sea!
My dear Marquis de Sade (wasn’t he actually a dodgy French bloke?) - you’re geographically confused, Ireland ain’t France.
April 25th, 2021
A book about Britain and the first poster is…? Sad man.
April 25th, 2021
“de Sade” man. Is the book exclusively about Britain? And are Britain & tristesse mutually exclusive concepts? I think that you yourself prove the contrary, ole froot.
April 25th, 2021
my british/irish ancestral heart thanks you for sharing this book — my french/viking (whose helm doesn’t have horns, nor did any others) significant other would like to say that ‘history is written by the victorious’ :)
April 25th, 2021
Yes! When one thinks the word “winner”, the first thing to come in mind is “Irish”! Or it might have been “pizza”. If one was hungry.
Anyhow, I’m still not a Viking.
April 25th, 2021
No evidence of horns, but we all know they were horny blighters. They didn’t do much writing as such, but had their literate slaves write for them. Apparently they liked their chronicles to be fierce, so a little hyperbole got in there - which might explain the horns.
I don’t think they lost everywhere, they did cut quite the violent swath. Didn’t they have a horny hand in founding Russia?
Which brings us back to Russia’s negligent neighbour illodiini: so you might have created your own nemesis there.
Yet win we did; and we didn’t need allies from Mordor, like your good selves.
April 25th, 2021
Well, you should be proud! You invented potato famine!
Anyway, Finns didn’t have that much choice, y’know. Either surrender almost outright or have a somewhat dubious ally. You remember the shady company Russia kept? Like, y’know, most rest of the West.
But I admit, the Nazgûls were bad.
April 25th, 2021
Especially their Witch-King of von Angmar. “A somewhat dubious ally” - somewhat, indeed.
Nature invented the blight, but the British gave us the famine. Just like in India & Kenya.
A strict economic policy of laissez-faire capitalism, which was oddly not applied to the consequences of the blight in England. Anyway, we couldn’t turn to Mordor for aid, because Mordor caused the problem.
Irish-Americans, the Catholic Church, Quakers, the Ottoman Sultan, and the Choctaw Nation did send a great deal of aid.
The Choctaw tribe felt an affinity with the Irish, who, like themselves, had suffered under a brutal colonial power. We’re sending aid to them now, because Covid has hit them hard. We also provide scholarships & outreach. One of their tribal leaders lives in Donegal. They’re a lovely people.
April 25th, 2021
And, how dare you?! Here are just 10 inventions: The Hypodermic Syringe; The Guided Torpedo; The Binaural Stethoscope; The Induction Coil (invented by a priest in Maynooth University); The Ejector Seat; The Submarine (funded by the Fenian Brotherhood); The Bacon Rasher; The Cream Cracker; Flavoured Potato Crisps; Colour photography.
So there. I bet you guys just keep inventing new words for snow & hangovers. Go with what ya know.
April 25th, 2021
Well this certainly dragges all the nationalist crazies out of their cupboards.
Jenny Fisher, your poem was hilarious.
April 25th, 2021
Oops spelling mistake, I meant to write dragged…
April 25th, 2021
yes - thanks for the poem/song Jenny
- for those interested you can check out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Dy-VhtGcXw
April 25th, 2021
“The Hypodermic Syringe; The Guided Torpedo; The Binaural Stethoscope; The Induction Coil (invented by a priest in Maynooth University); The Ejector Seat; The Submarine (funded by the Fenian Brotherhood); The Bacon Rasher; The Cream Cracker; Flavoured Potato Crisps; Colour photography.”
I’ll bet you just rummaged your basement and came up with those!
April 26th, 2021
That’s only an initial rummage, Aatami. Is it true that you guys didn’t have mandatory surnames until the 1920s?
April 26th, 2021
Barely. Few years before that we were mostly called “Hey, you ugly peasant!” But not to worry, my friend, you’ll get there soon enough, too.
April 27th, 2021
That’d get seriously confusing. A bureaucratic nightmare. “If you could just fill out this form, Sven, including all the Svens in your, er, Sven family, then hand it to Sven over there. Afterwards, Sven’ll visit you in your Sven house & count all your Svens. Then you should get your weekly fish ration for all the Svens.” “That’s great, thanks Sven!”
Your Nazgûl allies wouldn’t approve of that kind of sloppy organisation.
April 28th, 2021
You confuse us with Swedes, which consist 97% of Svens. Us Finns don’t call each other anything. Period. We avoid talking to one another, if possible. We scream in social media, though. Go figure.
We like using face masks. That way we can avoid recognizing the neighbor. Gotta love the Covid…
April 28th, 2021
I like Sven. I’d say you’re too cold for communication. Face masks mean we can avoid many of the expressions associated with human emotion. Along with “social” media, they’re a quantum leap in our evolution.
February 3rd, 2024
I really look forward to reading this book, but first I need to download it. Please re-seed. Merci beaucoup.
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